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Holiday Parenting Stress: What Your Kids Actually Remember

Burnout, Maternal Mental Health, Mental Health

by Rory Nicol, RP | December 18, 2025

Parenting during the holidays. A decorated Christmas tree with glowing lights stands beside a fireplace in a cozy living room.

Reviewed by Rory Nicol, RP on Dec 18, 2025

The Dot Canada Colours The holidays bring joy, but they also bring exhaustion. Here's how to navigate parenting stress, screen time guilt, and stay connected to what your kids will actually remember. 

The holidays are supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year... so why does it feel like you're drowning? 

Maybe your family is visiting from out of town to stay at your house for a week and you have to deep clean everything because you want it to be perfect. Or maybe money is a little tighter this year, but your kids' Christmas wishes don't reflect that. In a constantly evolving world where only material things that are the newest and biggest seem to matter, how are you supposed to please your kids and make them happy when that's all you want for them?  We constantly try to please everyone. But we're so stressed about what our credit card statement will look like by the end of it. We worry and we stress.  And then we came home after a long day at work. If we still get to see our kids that day, we're too exhausted to be the parent we want to be. Which makes us feel like we're failing. Which stresses us out even more.  Research shows that one in six parents report high stress levels during the holidays, with mothers twice as likely as fathers to experience this pressure. More than three in ten Canadians now expect the holidays to be more stressful than fun the highest level recorded in seven years. If you're feeling overwhelmed right now, you're not alone. And you're definitely not failing.  So, when you finally sit down and your kids want to play or talk or need something... you're tapped out. The iPad becomes a lifeline. The TV gets turned on. You know they're getting more screen time than you'd like, but honestly? You just need 20 minutes of quiet.  Then comes the guilt.  Sound familiar?   

The holidays make everything feel heavier 

The holidays magnify everything parents already struggle with during the rest of the year.  The financial stress. Everyone is trying to pick up extra shifts, cut back on their daily coffee runs, or just save money wherever they can because it's all going out the window again with Christmas shopping. Holiday spending averages over $900 per person this season and that doesn't even include time off work, ingredients for special meals, or travel to see family. The hardest part? You're overworking yourself, trying to get OT or extra shifts, which means less time with your family during the weeks you're trying to make special.  All the events and details someone has to remember. Someone has to remember all the dates that we agreed to take the kids skating with your parents, the concerts, the recitals. Someone has to remember Christmas sweater day at school, to order the matching family Christmas pajamas, to buy teacher gifts, to coordinate with relatives. So much more. And typically? One parent handles all these things and has to carry it all. Planning holiday activities, shopping, and organizing gatherings are among the top stressors parents report, and this work typically falls to mothers who are already managing full-time jobs and daily parenting.  The constant comparison. You go into a conversation feeling pretty good. You've already spent hundreds of dollars on your kids. You thought you did a decent job. But then you're talking to other parents at hockey and suddenly your gifts seem... inadequate. Like not enough. You start comparing what you got for your kids with what other parents are doing, and the doubt creeps in.  The pure exhaustion. We are so go-go-go that we forget "me time" even exists. If we're not working, buying groceries, or Christmas shopping, we're just so exhausted that we can't even fully spend time with our families. We're there physically but mentally we're already thinking about our to-do list in the morning. Who do we have to drop off? When do we have time to buy more gifts? When can we pick up OT?  One in five parents acknowledge that their own stress level negatively affects their child's enjoyment of the holidays. When you're running on fumes, it's hard to be present. It's hard to enjoy anything.   

When screens become the easiest answer 

Screen time might seem like the easiest way to just handle all that stress.  You're just so exhausted and you don't know what to do. You're physically there but mentally you're not. Your kids are screaming around as you're trying to make dinner. You've been so exhausted all day dealing with people in the office or at work for 8 to 12 hours. Now you're making dinner after you pick up your kids from daycare or after they get home from school and they're just screaming and yelling and wanting your attention. You just feel complete sensory overload. You have 15,000 other things in your head.  So, you just give them screen time.  You just say, "Take your iPad, go in the other room. I just need five minutes." Which is the most understandable thing in the world? You're handling so much and you're carrying so much. You just want five minutes of peace while you make dinner. So, you send them in the other room, or you put them in front of the TV because it just seems like the easiest choice.  And then the guilt shows up.  Because you've read the articles. You know excessive screen time isn't great for kids. You see the recommendations, the American Academy of Pediatrics suggests children under two should avoid screens entirely except for video chatting, and older kids should stick to one hour of high-quality programming per day.  But here's what those guidelines don't account for: real life. Exhausted parents. Financial stress. The impossibility of being "on" all the time.  The research on screen time is worth understanding, but not as a weapon to beat yourself up with. 

What screen time actually does (and why it matters) 

Let's be clear about what the research shows.  Excessive screen time, especially passive consumption without adult interaction, can affect children's development. Studies link heavy screen use to issues with executive function, attention span, language development, and emotional regulation. Young children with high amounts of screen time show poorer executive functioning skills and are more prone to anger compared with children with less screen time.  When screens replace interaction, things start to shift. Research found that when background TV is on, parents tend to talk less and be more passive in their interactions with their children. Kids learn language, emotional regulation, and social skills primarily through interaction with caregivers and screens can interrupt that connection.  Screen time before bed disrupts sleep. Using devices as the primary way to calm big emotions prevents kids from learning how to regulate themselves. And when screens become the default activity, children miss out on imaginative play, physical movement, and face-to-face social development.  That's the reality.  But... the context matters too. Not all screen time is created equal, educational and interactive content where adults take part creates very different outcomes than passive consumption. A parent watching a movie with their child, talking about what's happening, laughing together, that's fundamentally different than parking a kid in front of a screen alone for hours.  And occasional increases in screen time during particularly stressful periods? That's not going to permanently damage your child.   

The real question: what will they actually remember? 

Putting your kids in front of the TV for an hour here or there isn't going to matter. What matters is when you put them in front of the screen all the time.  You're so worried and struggling and trying to create the perfect Christmas. It's never going to be a perfect Christmas. But your kids aren't going to remember that.  Your kids are going to remember the cookies that you bake. The Christmas decorations you put up. If you ask anyone, they probably can't remember three gifts they got last Christmas. Most likely, your kids won't remember that either. But what your kids will remember is the movie nights. The gingerbread decorating. If you ask them, "What theme did our gingerbread house have last year?" I bet you anything they will remember that. But they might not remember three gifts that were under the Christmas tree.  It's not because they're not grateful or they're spoiled. I mean, kids in this generation are kind of spoiled, and that's just how our society views Christmas and how commercialized everything is. But the truth is, Christmas isn't about the presents. It's about spending time with your family. That's what the holidays are all about.  What your kids are really going to remember are those core childhood memories that you have the opportunity to create during Christmas.  I hear the pressure of everyone and everything. But I can tell you one thing, your kids are not going to remember if there's one or two gifts less under the Christmas tree if what they got was time with you. If what they got was time with their parents.  We all stress out so much about wanting everything to be perfect and wanting to give our kids enough when what they really need is just quality time with their family.  When we look back at our Christmases from our childhood, yes, there might be the one-off gift that we can remember. But we can't really remember what we got for Christmas 20 years ago. What we can remember is all the traditions that we had. The decorating. Picking out the Christmas tree. Hanging up our handmade ornaments on the tree. Making gingerbread houses. Watching Christmas movies.  Research on parenting shows that when parents focus only on "survival mode" just getting through each day, they tend to be quicker to criticize and slower to notice their children's strengths. But when parents can shift even slightly toward being present in small moments, the entire dynamic changes.  You don't need to be perfect. You need to be connected.   

Small moments matter more than big productions 

So, what if you can't afford any of these fancy Christmas gifts or any of that stuff? Money's already tight around the holidays and you just can't afford to spend more. That's totally fine.  Put on a Christmas movie and watch it with them. Like actually be there. Make some hot chocolates and watch a Christmas movie.  Or go out for a winter walk with them. My god, build a snowman with them. I know we all probably haven't done it in a long time but go outside and build a snowman. Go for a winter walk. Go on one of those ice skating trails. Go to a local rink and play hockey with them. Because at the end of the day that's all that really matters and that's all they want.  If you are super busy, you can also just let them help you do whatever it is that you're doing. If you're wrapping gifts for your partner or their other parent, you can just be like, "Hey, do you want to help me?" Don't get me wrong, the gifts won't look perfect. But all that matters is that you got to spend some time with them. Put on some Christmas music, wrap gifts together. Fun things like that.  Make one tradition that's just yours. Maybe it's reading one holiday book together every night before bed. Maybe it's making hot chocolate every Sunday morning in December. Maybe it's letting each kid pick one night to choose dinner and a movie. It doesn't need to be elaborate, it needs to be consistent and together.  Budget-friendly holiday activities like cookie decorating competitions, movie marathons, and making homemade gifts create meaningful memories without expensive price tags. You don't need money to make moments matter.   

Managing screen time without the guilt spiral 

Okay, but what about the screen time that's already happening?  First, cut yourself some slack. Using screens during a particularly stressful period doesn't make you a bad parent. It makes you human.  Second, where you can, try to shift from passive to interactive screen use:  Co-view when possible. Sit with your kid while they watch something. Even if you're half paying attention, your presence changes the experience. Talk about what's happening. Ask questions. Make it less isolating.  Choose higher-quality content. Educational shows where characters model problem-solving, emotional regulation, or social skills are genuinely different from random YouTube videos or overstimulating content. Stick with programs designed for kids' developmental stages.  Set some boundaries that feel doable. Maybe screens stay out of bedrooms at night. Maybe there's a "no screens during meals" rule. Pick one or two boundaries that feel realistic for your family, not the perfect Instagram version, but what you can actually maintain.  Look for screen-free moments in your existing routine. Car rides can be talk time instead of tablet time. Getting ready in the morning can be screen-free. Bedtime routines work better without devices. You don't need to overhaul everything, just protect a few pockets of time.  Replace screens with connection when you have energy. When you do have capacity, choose connection. Fifteen minutes of actual play, conversation, or cuddles create deposits in your relationship that matter more than cutting screen time by half.  The goal isn't perfect. It's finding a balance that supports both your child's development and your sanity.   

What your kids need most from you 

Your children don't need the perfect Christmas that you see all over social media.  What your kids really need is just time with their family. They just need some little joy. Just a little Christmas magic. And you're creating that with all the decorations, and having them believe in Santa, and having them believe in the magic of Christmas. It's not about the gifts. It's not what Christmas was ever about. It's about spending time with your family.  What they need most from you right now is just some love. They get time off school, and what they need is just for you to be there for them. To be joyful. To just be happy.  If you're all stressed out, that's what your kids are going to remember about Christmas. They're going to remember the stress that it puts on you. But if you're just happy and joyful, if you're just happy for one second with what you've got... because if you look at it, you probably have everything that you need right there. If you get to celebrate your Christmas with your family this year, you have everything that you need. If you are able to put food on your plate and you have a roof over your head, then your kids have everything that they need.  In our society, we always focus on what we don't have. We always want the next best thing. We always focus on what other people have. But very rarely do we focus on what we do have.  What your kids need is love more than anything. And as long as you can give that to them, they've got the majority of what they need.  They don't need 15 presents under their Christmas tree. They need time with their family. That's what they need. And that's what they want most.  The pressure you're putting on yourself to do it all perfectly? That's stealing energy you could be using to actually enjoy your kids.  So maybe this is the year you let go of some of the expectations. Maybe you skip the elaborate decorations or the homemade everything. Maybe you say no to a few holiday events so you can say yes to quiet evenings at home.  Maybe you stop apologizing for turning on the TV when you need a break and instead focus on making the moments you are present really count.  That's what matters. That's what they'll carry with them.   

Work with a therapist 

Sometimes the stress of parenting, especially during intense seasons like the holidays, can feel overwhelming in ways that don't ease up with a few changes.  If you're finding that stress, anxiety, or feelings of inadequacy are following you through most days, therapy can help. Working with a therapist gives you space to unpack the pressure you're feeling, develop healthier coping strategies, and find ways to be more present with your family without burning out.  You don't have to carry all of this alone. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is ask for support.   

We're here if you need help 

Therapy is a valuable tool that can help you to solve problems, set and achieve goals, manage stress and anxiety, or teach you new ways to track your emotions and keep burning out in check. It can help you to build the life, career, and relationship that you want. Does everybody need it? No. But if you are curious about working with a therapist, that curiosity is worth pursuing.  At The Dot, we can help. We offer free consultations for anyone in Canada considering individual or couples therapy, online at The Dot. We will go through any of your questions and concerns to help you find the right therapist for you.  Book Your Consultation Today!  Visit our therapist match form to let us match you to the therapist with the skills you need.  The Dot Canada Colours   Resources: 

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